To be honest, I am going through a Taylor Swift phase because her new album reputation has just been released. On the internet, I came across one of the LOVELY poems Taylor wrote for her Target Magazines and I fell in love with it. I fell so much in love with it that I actually bought the magazine. I wanted to talk about my favorite part of the poem "If You're Anything Like Me"
And no amount of friends at 25
Will fill the empty seats
At the lunch tables of your past
The teams that picked you last...
But Darling, you keep trying.
If you're anything like me,
You couldn't recognize the face of love
Until they stripped you of your shiny paint
Threw your victory flag away
And you saw the ones who wanted you anyway...
Darling, later on you will thank your stars
for that frightful day.
If you're anything like me,
I'm sorry.
But Darling, it's going to be okay.I haven't talked about it on my blog yet - but I will soon - that I, too, have been betrayed and hurt by my friends. That is why I can relate to much of Taylor Swift's new material. I can relate to "here's to my real friends," and "here's to my mama," and, "I bury hatchets, but I keep maps of where I put 'em," but most of all, I can relate to this poem.
Taylor titled the poem, "If You're Anything Like Me." And I want to say- I am very much like her. And not because I "bite my nails" or "laugh when I'm nervous" as written in the first stanza (you can see the full poem here.) I'm sure everyone does those things. I am like Taylor because I am sensitive, I am insecure, and I also put my trust in people who ended up using it to hurt me.
"empty seats at lunch tables" can bring up a friendship betrayal I experienced 10 years ago. And 10 years later, I am still in a similar situation. Last year, I could recognize that I was hanging out with the "cool" people at work. I remember thinking to myself - huh, do I really belong here? But I didn't push the question further. I said yes to outings that weren't fun for me and made me feel like an outsider. Those people didn't care about me. And when my friends stabbed me so violently in the back - I could finally see it. I could finally break free and make a vow to hang out with only those people who made an effort to care about me.
Maybe when I was hanging out with the <quote>cool people.<unqote>, I had the victory flag in my hands and was doused in the shiny paint. I was like "look, I am not lame like I was in high school! I am normal and I have friends *cue Crazy Ex Girlfriend's song I Have Friends*" But then my friends stabbed me in the back and took that victory flag away. And I was left with my friend count cut in half. But in that moment, I realized this was the real me. I will never be that popular, cool girl. That's when I realized which friends really loved me (saw the face of love). And one year later, maybe I am happy for that frightful day. I wish I had realized these friends were no good for me sooner and without such back-stabbings, but alas. I think I will recognize it better in the future.
Taylor telling me that she is sorry for the pain I am experiencing comforts me. Even though she doesn't know my struggles, it's nice to think she understands and is also going through something similar. I also like how she tells me that it's going to be okay. There is hope. She and I are both resilient. We will find our place in the world.
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